I’ve said it myself, more times than I can recall.
“If this one is the only change, if all of this is for that one soul – it’s all worth it.”
In fact, that’s what I came in here thinking today – hyped up on the awesome stuff that is clearly God at work in not just language or actions changing, but this overflow-of-heart changing with a young woman that I adore. I have spent a lot of my prayer life on as I have attempted to grow with her…and wow, God. I am speechless sometimes. I mean – I do a dance or squeal – but words are hard in my shock and excitement some days.
I am seeing a mother care her for child with complete adoration and a start of healthy cycles. I see self-worth start to be believed after years of nodding along that stopped at the surface when it came to talking worth. I am seeing choices – whether others are around or not – that are healthy, pouring into a bigger future, and different than what life has taught. I am seeing a hunger for Christ and a thirst for healthy community – that I am SO confident will soon lead to a party in heaven as a heart is given over. I am seeing creativity in “what do I have to offer?”. I am seeing generosity that surpasses the hospitality that is all over this country.
This is why. This is fuel to keep going. This is God showing that he is working.
This is where I say, “if it was all for HER – every dollar, moment, hard day, sacrifice – it is worth it”.
But…then as I reflect longer…I don’t follow my own reasoning.
There are these moments, but they are not enough when I go to type a newsletter. When I want to update people on ministry. When I begin fundraising for new levels of support to reach by 2017.
I need stats, more stories, more pictures.
I don’t want one girl discipled – 12 is more like it!
It’s great that one person “gets it”. Where are the other five?
That is the way my brain thinks when I sit down to talk about what is “going on” on the ground! As if one is not one LIFE, one SOUL, one RADICAL TRANSFORMATION. As if one does not matter. As if big numbers are what we are aiming for as opposed to real, deep life change that takes time and investment and more time.
It is nuts how culture has trained me to think so differently than my own mouth says that I think. I say, “one matters!”, I think, “I am not doing enough!”
I say, “real investment takes time!”, I think, “I have nothing to show for how long I’ve been here!”
It’s a little off, when I sit back and see how I contradict myself. How we all can contradict ourselves in cross cultural work, in ministry, in doing life with people.
So let’s all agree to disagree with what culture is selling us. Deal? I’m going to fight for that one. I refuse to downgrade how AWESOME God looks when I come back from a conversation with my one. I refuse to believe that He needs statistics to show off. I refuse to believe I am not enough, exactly where He placed me, doing as He planned in this moment in all of eternity.
I’m writing to remind myself, and anyone else who has culture yelling a different message, to celebrate the one. And by the way….God is doing BEAUTIFUL things in that “one”!