Oh, the pains of doing life in one place, while your heart burns for another.
I am only four short weeks from graduating from my second year of Compassion Corp spent at the Great Commission Bible Institute in Florida.
We have read the Bible in eight days, studied the Word inside and out, verse by verse, and have been undeniably stunned by the Truth we are learning.
Nine months of living this dream has gone awfully fast.
Almost too fast.
It’s funny how God orchestrates, my heart being so completely ‘all in’ while living in Florida, absolutely in love with my schooling, our church, my God-lovin’ roommates, and the youth girls I’m getting to do life with, and then suddenly, a radical shift in my heart.
The prayer I’d been speaking for months felt resolve, “Lord, help my heart in moving from Florida”.
And out of nowhere, my heart felt a change ready for transition.
Although I know leaving this welcoming little town will still have its ache, it was as if overnight my heart began churning again for Haiti. Let me assure you, my heart has never “left Haiti”, but there have certainly been phases in the last nine months where I’ve had to decide to ‘let go’ of pieces of my heart invested in Haiti to be able to fully devote myself into my ministries in Florida.
And here I am, utterly exhausted from a week of fighting against this dreadful battle of not being in Haiti.
Questions and doubts fly up to my Creator,
“Are they going to be OK God?!”
“Where is ______”
“I wonder how ______’s situation is going..”
“Did ______ eat today??”
And as He listens, I’m sure He gets a kick out of me, hearing of my doubt that He couldn’t possibly have a hold on His people.
“If I don’t think of them Father, then who will?”
And with patience and that all-consuming grace He pours out so effortlessly, He teaches me over and over again that my love for these people will never surpass His.
And I will fight my flesh to rest on that promise.
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20