Maybe it is the discomfort of being a minority that encourages these moments where I am uncertain of what to do. What to say. Where to go. And, how to express myself. Maybe it is nothing more than a displacement of my heart from God and a part of His redeeming me to Himself. No matter what it is, I have been uncertain.
Before coming to Haiti, I was cautioned to often ask for the Lord to define my movements. Specifically, the example was given that in a situation of talking with people, while I may on my own go and speak with nine people, it is far more wise to ask the Lord who to speak with. He may want me to sit with just one for that period of time. No matter what space of life, I think it is wise advice. Especially since I experience these moments of uncertainty often. I have thought much about this.
“‘And now the Lord your God has given rest to your brothers, as he promised them. Therefore turn and go to your tents in the land where your possession lies, which Moses the servant of the Lord gave you on the other side of the Jordan. Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, to love the Lord your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.’ So Joshua blessed them and sent them away, and they went to their tents.”
The Lord always calls me into something; when I pause and ask – there is a call to action.
“Turn and go…”
I don’t always feel willing. I don’t always feel ready. I don’t always feel certain. I don’t always feel able.
“Love the Lord your God […] walk in all his ways […] keep his commandments […] cling to him […] serve him.”
It is only through loving God that I desire these things. It is only through His example that I find encouragement to act. It is only through His Word that I find guidance. It is only through walking in, through clinging to the Spirit that I am made able.