Evil is gradually becoming more decadent and pervasive. It is so prevalent. Just yesterday, walking maybe two-hundred yards from my front door, I was offered every single drug that I know… and some I didn’t even know what they were. I strolled by a few prostitutes habitually giving me seductive smirks just trying to make ends meet. I walked past the homeless man lying in the middle of the sidewalk with steam clouding him from the manhole below. All within two-hundred yards from my front door.
Just last night, restlessly awake in the silence – well, as silent as it gets here; police sirens blaring with their engines roaring past all throughout the night… the dirtbike gangs ridin’ dirty, doing wheelies past my house all night… dealers yelling… you get the point – in the dark of my bedroom. I couldn’t help but process where my life is at right now. And a haunting question arose from my mind. ‘Why not me?’
I remember vividly my cousin and I sitting on his living room couches processing life as he was just diagnosed with cancer at the time. He proposed this bold question. ‘Why not me?’
There is so much weight to this. Seriously. I felt as though a nuclear bomb went off in my mind and heart last night when this question reappeared. Why do I have this house where I can stay somewhat warm? Why do I have a bed I can lay my head down to rest every night? Why am I not out on those streets? Why did you bless me with an amazing family to support me and not let me get to the point to being on those streets?
I am not any better than them. I struggle. I have addictions that I’m fighting too. Yet, they are out on the streets battling their pain laying on the utterly cold, syringe-filled streets.
And then, amidst these thoughts, my real life needs slap me in the face. I need my bills payed and food to eat for 2018; I need a job, yet all these jobs I’m applying to, for some reason, are not working out yet. As I scurry to find a job, I know I don’t have a place to live in a few weeks, but can’t afford to pay rent somewhere else because a job hasn’t worked out yet. My life just seems in shambles.
Yet, there is this Joy in my heart that I cannot shake. I cannot believe it, amidst all of this evil surrounding me and all these demanding life events, I am at peace. I am remaining faithful. I am… joyful?
I woke up hungry sitting comfortably sippin’ a nice hot cup of coffee reading the book of Habakkuk… and I’m reminded of God’s faithfulness and goodness during the decadence of Habukkuk’s time. I’m reminded of his joy no matter the circumstances and outcomes of God’s plan.
“Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.”
My manz Habukkuk basically dropped a bomb and said, ‘If everything goes wrong and is destroyed, I will rejoice in God.’
Joy is not a feeling; it is rooted much more deeply. Joy is a value learned through discipline. Joy is a resolute assurance and insurance that God has neither lost interest nor has he lost the power to deal with my problems.
“The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds’ feet, and makes me walk on my high places…”
Why not me? Because I’ve rooted my joy in his faithfulness. He will not forsake me. No matter what season of life I am in. No matter where He has me. No matter what He has me doing. No matter how I feel. He will not forsake His promise to me. He will make me walk on high places. His promises are good and will remain good forever.