The boat of my life thrashes through the waves, the bottom of the sea pleading to pull me down. It’s as if the darkness of the waters will move on forever, and even the realization that land exists somewhere slips my mind. What is land when the bellowing waters exist before me in a way that screams,
“you’re on your own.”
And then a light, brilliant and magnificent, led me to finally glance upward. A light that pierces through the depths of darkness, my Lodestar – the star that guides the course of my ship. The clouds had covered my beautiful compass, and I be unable to remember to look back up as the mess encompassing me distracted my purpose. My light, the motivation behind this trek. My passion, driven by this single gleaming star that served me by dividing the darkness.
On my boat, I am prepared, but uncertain of what the ocean will bring. In my life, as home becomes many places, and family becomes different faces, the waters scream mystery.
As a favorite missionary of mine in Uganda says in her newest book, “Daring to Hope”, Katie Davis Majors says, “Then I think that maybe courage is not at all about the absence of fear but about obedience even when we are afraid. Maybe courage is trusting when we don’t know what is next, leaning into the hard and knowing that it will be hard, but more, God will be near.”
Even when the clouds blind me from seeing my course, my Father, my shining, guiding star never abandons me.
I can imagine, as my boat thunders against the current, that my Father graciously leans down to ask,
“Will you wait for me through these momentary difficulties?”
Will I look again to Him, even when things don’t ‘go my way’? When the journey is harder than I imagined? Will I trust that even in the long dark night, He is present?
Maybe Katie is right, maybe it has never been about being courageous, or even about being able to show bravery in the journey. Maybe it’s always just simply been about leaning into the arms of our Father, waiting and watching for our Lodestar.